Charlie Sheen, Charlie Sheen! — Serrano Lambastes Alarcon

The Mouthpiece
By: George Hanson Jr., Esq.

Date:      Friday, April 1, 2011
Venue:    Asylum Arena, Philadelphia, PA
Promoter:           Andre Kut, KEA Boxing Promotions (www.kea-boxing.com)
Matchmaker:       Rene “The Boxing Diva” Aiken
Ring Announcer:   Henry Hascup
Referees:            Blair Talmadge & Shawn Clark
Photos:              www.christoneyphotography.com

The mystery of my cousin Charlie Sheen’s mass appeal is deeply rooted in his gift to connect with strangers and an uncanny ability to make them laugh. Earlier during the day, we were mobbed as we strolled down South Street at lunchtime making our regular stop at the Jamaican Jerk Hut. Like you, many were flabbergasted when they discovered that I am not only Charlie’s manager, but I am also his biological cousin—Martin Sheen and my father are half-brothers. My grandfather, Carlos Estevez, who was Spanish, divorced Uncle Martin’s mother and moved to Jamaica where he met and married my

Two And A Half Men. However, let me not digress by talking about family connections and fiscal matters.

The past couple of months have been a topsy-turvy ride for Cousin Charlie and at Uncle Martin’s urging he decided to come to Philadelphia for a few days before making his way to Jamaica for a well-needed respite with the family, away from the spotlight of the paparazzi. Despite being fired last month by CBS and Warner Brothers from his role on Two And A Half Men, Charlie was in good spirits—thank God he listened and we were able to save and invest most of his earnings. As we entered the Arena to enjoy an evening of boxing, you could see the stunned look on the audience’s faces as Charlie and I made our way to our ringside seats. And if you have made it this far in the story you must remember that Charlie is not the only one with a sense of humor. It is April 1^st and since my journalistic creativity is not shackled by editors, deadlines and corporate tight-wads I am free to roam like Mad Max into the badlands of jesting. April Fools! No, Charlie Sheen is not my cousin and he was not at the fights! However, seated at ringside with his lovely wife, Eileen, was a living legend and the unofficial judge for HBO’s Championship Boxing—Harold Lederman, alongside former two-division world champion, Virgil “Quick Silver” Hill.

I thought I was in a time warp as the crowd starting chanting “Tito, Tito, Tito!” However, the cheers were for undefeated welterweight prospect Raymond “Tito” Serrano and not living legend and Puerto Rico’s favorite son —former three-division world champion Felix “Tito” Trinidad.  Serrano (14 wins – 0 losses – 0 draws – 7 kos) of Philadelphia made his way to the ring, Puerto Rican flags flying everywhere, to the raucous adulation of his supporters to

The fight should have been over in the first round when Serrano dropped Alarcon with a well-placed left hook to the solar plexus. Rising at the count of four, Alarcon kept advancing as Serrano stayed on the outside boxing with his hands down instead of making it a short night.  It is safe to assume that the young fighter, like a cat playing with a captured mouse, wanted to display his wares and enjoy himself in front of the hometown crowd. But, I am of the Tommy “Hitman” Hearns mentality—separate your opponent from his senses as quickly as possible—give the crowd little time to criticize. Why prolong the inevitable?

Like a traveling salesman, Serrano displayed his goods. He boxed from the outside, he boxed from the inside, he switched to southpaw busting up Alarcon’s nose along the way frustrating the man from Colorado so much that he tried to hurl Serrano over the top rope during a third round clinch. This brought a stern warning from the ever-present Referee Talmadge. The only thing that Serrano didn’t do was hit Alarcon with the referee while pitching a shut-out. The carnage came to an end in the fifth round when a whistling left hook drove Alarcon to the canvas. He should have stayed down but Alarcon is tough as nails and rose at the count of six and resumed his attack. Shortly thereafter he walked into a straight right hand that ripped his feet from underneath him like he had been hit with hollow-point bullets from an elephant gun. Talmadge immediately called a halt to the display of sharp-shooting and valor at 44 seconds as Alarcon rose to his feet. Serrano notches another victory on his belt to the delight of his rabid fans.

Boxing is no laughing matter and Philadelphia welterweight Ardrick “The Hitman” Butler (5 wins – 4 losses – 0 draws – 2 kos) was all business in the dressing room hell-bent on proving that switching trainers was the right decision. I even tried to get him to laugh when he told me that he was rejuvenated. I quipped, “You were juvenated, lost it and got juvenated again, thus you are rejuvenated.” It got a chortle out of my photographer, Chris Toney, but Butler only manage a sly grin, his mind firmly focused on how he was going to bring about the demise of his opponent Mike “Strictly Business” Denby (3 wins – 8 losses – 3 draws – 2 kos) of Felton, Delaware in their scheduled six-rounder. Butler who played professional basketball in Australia before switching to the sweet science has all the physical tools and intestinal fortitude to excel, but has had a few setbacks that I would attribute to lack of technical acumen. In other words, he needed to tighten up his techniques just as much as Dwight Howard, the Orlando Magic’s center, needed to stop bouncing the ball on the floor before going up for a dunk or lay-up—just catch and shoot—no need to give your defender time to prepare.

It was a spirited bout with Butler using his jab and attacking the body of the shorter Demby who fought valiantly. Despite being hurt in the second round, Demby was game and threw some bombs in an attempt to decapitate his taller adversary. A knockdown by Butler was ruled a slip and a discombobulated Demby grabbed his opponent around the waist toppling both of them to the canvas. Butler got the worst of it landing on the bottom, hitting his head and shoulder on the canvas, requiring a couple minutes to recover before continuing his onslaught. In the third round, Butler recorded a knockdown by sending Demby to the canvas with a quick left hook. Rising quickly, Demby continued to pressure his tormentor letting him know that he came to fight. The fourth round saw a few heated exchanges with Butler landing the harder punches. In Round 5, Demby was awarded a knockdown when he grazed Butler, who was off-balance, on the shoulder with a left hook and he tripped to the canvas. This was the highlight for Demby because in the next round Butler almost ripped his head off its hinges with a devastating right uppercut that sent Demby into the ropes, which kept him upright. Referee Talmadge scored it a knockdown and was about to administer and eight-count when Demby, still feeling the after-effects, lurched forward and reeled into the adjacent ring ropes. Talmadge immediately stopped the festivities at 46 seconds declaring Butler the winner by technical knockout.

Boxing is about self-expression, the freedom to create and entertain while being under attack. And tonight cruiserweight Rayshawn Myers (3 wins – 6 losses – 0 draws – 2 kos) of Cleveland, Ohio shuffled, danced, threw bolo punches, walked around the ring while talking to his opponent Andres “Taylor Made” Taylor (16 wins – 1 loss – 2 draws – 7 kos) of Johnstown, Pennsylvania in their scheduled four-rounder. The awkward southpaw, Myers tried every trick in the book to offset Taylor who just smiled and kept coming, crouching like a young Mike Tyson throwing bombs in an attempt to put Myers to sleep. In the opening round Myers kept his distance as the shorter Taylor was relentless in his attack. Toward the end of the round Myers threw two consecutive left-hand bolo punches from the southpaw stance like he was chopping sugar cane with a machete underhand much to the delight of the crowd.  Encouraged by the cacophony of cheers Myers was midway in whipping another bolo when Taylor beat him to the punch and landed a well-timed right hand over the punch that was gaining momentum mid-hip range. I heard the ghost of the late, great Howard Cosell—“Down goes Myers!” Somewhat embarrassed, the fallen fighter rose quickly as the bell sounded to end the round.

Having a short memory, Myers continued throwing the bolo punch doing his impersonation of welterweight great Kid Gavilan, who made the punch famous. Smiling, Taylor never took a step backwards landing to the body, oftentimes barely missing Myers with punches that had “good night” written on them. Myers opened the third stanza with a fleet-footed display of the Ali-shuffle, which had former champ Virgil Hill almost falling out of his ringside seat with laughter. Myers was winning over the crowd, but he was losing the fight. Taylor never deviated from his game plan and continued pressing the action closing out the fight with some hard body shots in the final round. No surprise when Taylor was awarded a unanimous decision by scores of 40-35 twice and 38-37. At least Myers came to fight and entertained the crowd. After all, this is show business!

Undefeated Philadelphia junior-lightweight prospect Keenan “Killa” Smith (3 wins – 0 losses – 0 draws – 1 ko) continues to improve, settling in quite nicely into the punch-for-pay ranks having shed all vestiges of his decorated amateur career. Smith is now sitting down on his punches and setting up his shots as was evident in his four-round match with tough debuting Joshua Nieves of Puerto Rico by way of the Bronx, New York. For four rounds the southpaw, Smith, picked Nieves apart taking a two-step drop, fading back and countering the shorter advancing fighter with straight lefts and right hooks. He executed this move so well that he was beginning to look like Philadelphia Eagles’ quarterback, Michael Vick going through his progression before releasing a dart of a pass. Despite being out-boxed and out-gunned Nieves showed the temerity of a war veteran on the battlefield. He was all heart and never wavered in his mission to beat Smith. However, it was just a simple case of the better boxers using his vast talents to beat a young gritty inexperienced pugilist. Smith captured a well-deserved unanimous decision by scores of 40-36 and 39-37 twice. Nieves, on the other hand, has a bright future.

In the only mismatch of the night, undefeated middleweight Patrick Majewski (15 wins – 0 losses – 0 draws – 9 kos) of Atlantic City needed only 1:14 of the opening round to make it an early night for Allen Medina (8 wins – 18 losses – 0 draws – 1 ko) of Denver, Colorado. A right hand followed by a hook deposited Medina, who looked like a deer caught in headlights, to the canvas. Rising quickly to take the eight-count he was met with another barrage that forced Referee Talmadge to rescue Medina from serious damage.

If you look in Webster’s Dictionary under the word “sycophants” you will see a group picture of the handlers of welterweight Juan “The Beast” Rodriguez (5 win – 0 losses – 0 draws – 3 kos) of Union City, New Jersey who in a four-rounder squared off against southpaw Andrew Jones (0 wins – 4 losses – 1 draw) of  Buffalo, New York. I listened to them praising him throughout his four-round bout, which led me to wonder were my eyes deceiving me because based on their verbal accolades  you would have imagined that they were referring to the great Sugar Ray Leonard and not Rodriguez. The irony is that Jones was technically the superior boxer, showing good technique and boxing acumen, leaving you to shake your head wondering, “Why is he winless?!” He even had Rodriguez running like he had stolen something from a candy store in the last round. However, the arm-punching Rodriguez was awarded a unanimous decision 40-36 on all scorecards. Let me not comment on mandatory eye examinations for judges. Somebody needs to teach Rodriguez the art of boxing because he is always punching while on his toes and his defense is as porous as a wire strainer. Rodriguez is going to get knocked out. Call me Nostradamus!

OTHER RESULTS:

Heavyweight John Mercurio (3 wins – 0 losses – 0 draws – 3 kos) of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania used perpetual motion and a stiff jab to keep the ever-coming William Miranda (2 wins – 2 losses – 0 draws – 0 kos) of Allentown, Pennsylvania at bay. The bigger Mercurio avenged the March 18^th loss of his friend Jamie Campbell at the hands of Miranda. Mercurio used his jab and quick combinations to offset the shorter, smaller fighter who never took a backwards step. Mercurio captured a unanimous four-round decision by scores of 40-37 and 39-37 twice. 

In the opening bout, undefeated junior-lightweight Kamil Laszczyk (2 wins – 0 losses – 0 draws – 2 kos) of North Bergen, New Jersey was impressive and continued his knockout streak getting off the canvas early, compliments of a counter left hook which dropped Javier Ramos (2 wins – 5 losses – 0 draws – 0 kos) of Mayaguez, Puerto Rico twice in the opening round—the final time with a vicious kidney shot that forced Referee Clark to call a halt at 1:48 as Ramos doubled over in pain.

As I write this, I am certain that somewhere in a dressing room some late-night television host is rehearsing his monologue, which is laced with more Charlie Sheen jokes. Somehow, this brilliant actor has become somewhat of a caricature because of his bizarre behavior due to apparent drug and alcohol addiction. Maybe he should have been at the fights tonight for a much needed break from the paparazzi—photograph whores who would sell their souls to the devil. Charlie would have enjoyed another terrific night of the sweet science and the crowd would have acknowledged him by yelling, “Charlie Sheen, Charlie Sheen!”

Continue to support the sweet science, and remember, always carry your mouthpiece!

ghanson3@hotmail.com

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